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Boobs: because you can`t suck on a girls personality
If you play my day at work backwards, its about an idiot getting less and less annoying
is in no shape to exercise
I want to grow my own food but no one makes pizza seeds.
My New Year`s Resolution is to stop making late decisions.
You don’t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine
what is the first thing a homeless person does when he`s on a computer? he searches through the recycle bin
Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.
“How are feeling today?” is a polite reminder that you were a mess the night before.
A girl drinks 4 cosmos over a span of 60 minutes. 25 mins later, she texts 3 of her besties. How many emojis will she use? Show your work.
Not only am I a master of suspense, but I...
If it`s true that spiders are more scared of me than I am of them, why have I never seen a spider crawl away screaming like a little girl?
Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is go to bed.
If I had a crystal ball to see 5 years in the future, I would have 2020 vision.
Every time I get an eyelash in my eye, I`m reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild.