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What if Egyptians actually had a written language, then started using emojis, and that’s all that’s left?
What do you call a woman with big breasts who doesn`t make sandwiches? A compromise.
Sometimes to much to drink is never enough
I love my six pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.
I got the girl to hysterically laugh today just by asking her out for a date.
I hate it when someone starts to tell me something, then says "Never Mind".
I am not sure, but I think I just heard my cup of coffee say, "You are my b*tch"
I want rich people problems. Like where to land my private jet.
Do you ever wake up and kiss someone next to you and appreciate being alive? I did this and was chased out of the bus
Doing some laundry and hot single socks in my dryer are looking for a mate.
Why do people with the most to say contribute the least?
I wish I could understand what women with big boobs are saying.
If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, does it really have calories?
Whenever you can`t think of anything to say in therapy just go with, "I`ve been thinking about killing you."