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I love long legs.... Long sexy legs..... But not on a Spider, I hate long sexy legs on a Spider.
One trenta cheeseburger please.
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then go find somebody whose life gave them vodka and throw a party.
HR called me in today and told me I have a bad attitude. So they`re transferring me over to IT and giving me a raise.
At any given time, my wallet is worth more than it’s contents.
My life coach is the cashier at the liquor store.
The dentist told me I need to be more aggressive when I floss so I`ve decided to start growling.
I have enough leftover Halloween candy to get me to leftover Valentine`s Day candy time.
Under no circumstances shall a call be made to another male after 2 a.m., unless its to get bailed out of jail.
Plot twist: name your pets after passwords.
I`ve been working with this alcohol free program for like six months and it`s really taken a toll on me ... I mean, I`m broke and as far as I`m concerned, they can buy their own alcohol.
My plan for today? Same as always: Drink coffee and be sexy.
SEX! Now that I got your attention. I just wanted to say, "Have a great weekend!"
Procrastination: when "make a bucket list" is on your bucket list.
I like to finish other people’s sentences because my version is better.