Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I saw a ghost, I would not be scared. I’d be like “Sit your translucent ass down, I have a lot of questions!”
Remember if you ask me to put sun lotion on your back, I am definitely drawing something dirty while I`m back there.
Wait, there`s a "wrong hole"?
If kindness really kills, you`ll always be completely safe around me.
Whenever someone asks me to sign their cast, I always like to write: "Last warning, you have a week to get the rest of the money together."
I use a blender to make protein shakes in my office every day. That way when I use it to mix up a pitcher of margaritas no one even notices.
no..i am not drunk, floors needs hugs too ! :p
I don’t trust public opinion polls because they don’t take into consideration the fact that the public is made up of mostly idiots.
Pregnancy test confirmed me my worst fear.......I`m just fat
Don`t Follow Me, I`m Lost Too
Me, on phone to credit card company: What if you just break my kneecaps and we call it even?
Whoever said "What goes around, comes around", never passed around a bag of Doritos......................
I like my coffee like I like my men: caffeinated, made of beans, muscular, tousled hair, you know what, I don`t really know how to do this..
This is supposed to be funny but I got nothing but do me a favour and like this...Yeah, okay, IM DESPERATE -.-
Stay positive ladies, maybe he just didn’t hear you the first 100 times.