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Sticks and stones may break your bones. Also good: lead pipes.
I love hearing rumors about me...that`s how I find out what I`ve been doing.
Apparently somebody gets stabbed every 52 seconds...sucks to be that guy
You know you`re single when the only calls you get at night are Nature`s.
It`s like my kids don`t even believe how cool I was in the 80s.
Just once would I like to see the "Phone a Friend" lifeline on Millionaire go straight to voicemail.
Waiting for the day when a girl finally says that I’m “the one,” but isn’t talking to a police officer.
Mission Impossible: Ordering something at Subway without saying, "ummmm".
Do you realize that Scrooge was essentially water-boarded into changing his outlook on Christmas?
Sometimes I STOP when it`s not even Hammer time
Tupperware: When you want to throw out your food some other day.
Funny how the closer I get to the bar the friendlier I become.
When I was a kid “The Server Is Down” meant your waiter was depressed.
FACT: Men are much less likely to divulge a secret than women. Probably because they weren`t really listening to begin with.
Played Naked Twister last night and man, did it get RAUNCHY!....I can`t imagine what it would be like with other people.