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Of all the bands named after handicapped jungle animals, Def Leppard is my favorite.
If I go sleep at 6 in the morning, does it mean I go to sleep early or late?
Fun Fact: if you took the skin of an average person and laid it out flat,you would have enough for a serious criminal conviction :)
Telling someone they shouldn`t be sad because others have it worse is like telling someone they shouldn`t be happy because others have it better.
3 horrible facts: 1. Today is not Friday... 2. Tomorrow is not Friday... 3. The day after tomorrow is not Friday...
I wish some people`s cardio exercise consisted of running into traffic.
I’m not stealing my neighbor’s WiFi…their WiFi is trespassing into my house.
I stay up late every night and realize it was a bad idea every morning.
Maybe, just once, someone will call me "Sir" without adding, "You`re making a scene."
Anyone who knows me obviously knows a shit ton about awesomeness.
The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.
If you can`t read the bottom of the eye chart, spell something dirty. Eye doctors love that sh!t.
Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for — in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.
If a turtle doesnt have a shell, is it naked or homeless ?
If you’re keeping score in your relationship, I promise you, you’re losing.