Daily Silly Status

How to win an argument. 1. Have a vagina. 2. That’s it. 3. You win. 4. Congratulations.

I am not available because I am looking at porn that takes up the whole computer screen

I hate it when the credit card bills come in and I have to have sex with my husband.

I swear, if my memory gets any worse I’ll be able to plan my own surprise party.

If everyone would stop screaming, I`m sure we`d all agree I`m not supposed to be in this women`s restroom.

I found my wife through online dating. So, she`s definitely got some explaining to do!

Wow, I thought “flash mob” meant something completely different. Can someone come bail me out?

Ever talk to someone so stupid you can hear them misspelling words?

Hot singles in your area are dating each other while you sit alone staring at your phone.

If tomatoes are a fruit, then ketchup is a smoothie.

Retirement plans compared .. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1000. With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left. If you had purchased United Airlines, you would have nothing left. But, if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for recycl

I have the means to do anything that I want on my day off from work which means that I dont want to do anything on my day off from work.

That awkward moment when you type your password where you should`ve typed your email, and your friend`s standing right there -___-

My Tupperware lids and single socks are chilling somewhere laughing at me.

The only thing I have learned so far in this company meeting is that this room has 37 ceiling tiles and 24 fluorescent bulbs.