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Apparently not checking the mail is not a valid excuse for not paying your bills. The more you know.
Sticks and stones, break my bones, but hollow points expand on impact!
Apparently, 4 people die every year trying to put their pants on... - me, explaining to my (ex)boss why I went in with no pants
Mondays are middle finger approved
No, I don`t have tourette syndrome..I was just telling you what I think of you.
Not to interrupt your story, but do you have a completely different and possibly shorter story?
Apparently saying, "You mad, bro?" is frowned upon if you work in customer service.
Judging by the way some women wear makeup it`s rather obvious they didn`t excel at coloring as a kid ...
Life is all about tough decisions such as… Getting enough sleep or staying on the internet.
I am the type to fart in a crowded train and get just as upset as everyone else.
I`d totally order a salad bar. If it had lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, ketchup, mustard, hamburger and buns.
Friday the 13th is still better than Monday the whatever.
The only time I’ve passionately knocked everything off a table was when I was trying to make room for a pizza.
Do you want to hear a joke about constipation and dementia? ...Well, tough sh!t, I forgot it.
Oh... the look on the Home Depot associate`s face when I asked him if the pruning shears will cut through bone... priceless.