Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Roses are red, violets are blue. I have 5 fingers, the middle one is for you.
*Removes smoke detector battery *Cooks in silence
They say swearing is due to limited vocabulary. I know thousands of words, but I still prefer`f*ck off` to `go away`.
Relationship status: my cat won`t sit still for our selfies.
Life rarely hands me anything. Am I in the wrong line?
Keep the dream alive......... Hit the snooze button.
The one good thing about an egotist. They don`t talk about other people.
I don`t always drink beer. But when I do, I always lie about not always drinking beer.
Steve Jobs` text was meant to say: "I reign as CEO of Apple" Iphone autocorrect strikes again!
I`ve never been skydiving, but I`ve zoomed in on Google Earth really, really fast.
Running is the best way to remind yourself how much you love sitting.
I`d probably get a lot more done if it wasn`t for me.
I’ve learned to use meditation to handle stress. Just kidding, I’m on my third glass of wine.
Beer: Giving you the courage to talk to women but taking away the ability to make sense.
Don`t ask me for childcare advice unless you want nuggets of wisdom like "always punch holes in the box so they can breathe."