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I will not be satisfied until I see a car with one woman sticker and twelve cat stickers.
New day, same old bullsh!t
Debt doesn`t buy happiness either.
Currently helping my girlfriend look for her chocolates that I ate 5 hours ago...
I haven`t been drinking. I know what day it is. I didn`t lose my pants. This might be my car. I know how to drive. -Lies I`ve told to cops.
I love to start my day by getting on Facebook to see who is a whiny little bi!ch today.
The length of a minute depends on which side of the bathroom door you´re on.
Not all country music is terrible. If you can get past the lyrics about trucks, mud, farms and cows... It`s actually not too bad.
With all the potato chip flavors available now, I see no point in buying actual food...
A new study found that legalizing marijuana in Colorado has created more than 10,000 jobs...by keeping Taco Bell open 24 hours.
I know alcohol isn`t the answer, but it`s my best guess.
"Never go to bed angry" is the worst advice ever. I haven`t slept in a week!
Half of my life has been spent hoping people don’t see me.
Do athletic people not know about Netflix?
Sexual education classes in school should just be listening to a baby cry for 5 hours straight while watching the same cartoon on repeat.