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How do blind people know when to stop wiping their asses
2 cops walk into a bar… I don’t know what happened after that. I got the f*ck out of there.
You`d think the nerds on The Big Bang could fix that stupid elevator.
Immature >>> A word boring people use to describe fun people..
I just found out that a bucket of KFC when you`re finished with it, also doubles as a porta-potty...
Secret Admirers are just stalkers with good PR.
I´m on a whisky diet. I´ve lost three days already!
I really need a day inbetween Saturday an Sunday
Whenever I see a really hot girl with an ugly guy, I think "lottery winner".
Always forgive your enemies. Nothing aggravates them so much. But if you really want to piss them off tell them you will pray for their souls.
I may not be the smartest guy in the world, or the richest guy in the world, or the best looking guy in the world, but.... Oh, hell. Now I`m depressed.
If you watched the story of my life backwards, you`d see an incredibly inspirational story about hair growth, weight loss, and vastly improved athletic ability.
If you`re looking for happiness, walk to your nearest liquor store.
In the trailer for the fourth Transformers movie a guy says "what the hell is that" when a Transformer approaches. THE FOURTH MOVIE!
Some days it´s not worth chewing through the straps.