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My daughter just explained to me that these dinner postings were not real invites. I have to apologize to all my friends out there for showing up last week.
The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you dont have to mow it.
Is it polite or rude to slide a note into the bathroom stall next to you that says, "heard you farting but it`s ok you`re in the right place :)"
We all need to take great interest in our future because we will spend the rest of our life there.
Mosquito landed on my friend`s face; easiest decision of my life.
It takes a lot of courage for a man to admit his wife is wrong...
A lot of people are only alive because I shed too much hair to ever get away with murder.
Only a few years ago, the average parents had four children. Nowadays, the average child has four parents.
Juvenile humor My friend David lost his ID. We just call him Dav now. Here`s your sign..................
The invention of the shovel was groundbreaking!
When someone says "everything happens for a reason" I`d like to smack them and say "yeah, I guess you`re right"
See, I would run, but it`s usually bodies of joggers that are found dead in the woods.
My sleep number is 24. That`s a case of beer and I sleep like a baby.
It`s called NASCAR because that`s the way a hillbilly pronounces "nice car"
thinks that 100-calorie packs have just enough cookies to piss me off!!