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I know it’s 3 meals a day, but how many should I eat at night?
"we can still be friend" .. is like saying "The dog died, but we can still keep him"
I like restaurants because the people have to be nice and feed you.
One person forgetting to take their medication can really liven up a mundane day at the office.
That awkward moment when both your knees are bruised, but all you did was gardening
Why does `beans` only mean secret when it`s "Don`t spill the beans?" Why can`t I say I have a dirty little beans to tell you?
When you realize that your car matches the one in the Amber Alert.
If you think nobody cares if you´re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
I`m tough and can take whatever life throws at me ... Especially if its dipped in chocolate first.
Being alive is so expensive.
You actually are not the stupidest person on the planet. But if he were to die...
People at airports must not workout much because they are all using these treadmills wrong...
Taco Tuesday sends a terrible message to our nation`s children. They need to know that tacos are always an option no matter what day it is.
3 bottles of bleach: $15.00. One rope, 3 rolls of duct tape, and a shovel: $35.00. 3 boxes of trash bags: $10.00. The look on the cashier`s face: Priceless!:D
Two things everybody wants: 1) Lose weight. 2) Eat.