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If I like you, I’ll let you hold the TV remote when we watch TV. If I love you, I won’t take the batteries out of it beforehand.
School is like an erection. It`s long and hard unless you`re Asian.
What`s the lowest IQ someone can have while still being a relatively full functioning adult? My wife wants to know.
i think lady gaga puts glue on herself, and rolls around random items.
If you take bites out of string cheese rather than rip strings off , you don`t f*cking deserve string cheese.
Facebook is serious. I put more thought into whether or not to accept a friend request than whether or not to sleep with someone.
I need a vacation ... or this fifth of Jack -Me at the liqiour store
Can I have a free unlimited day trial of being attractive?
Just completed my sexual harassment training and I think I`m finally ready to start harassing people.
I`ve had this ant farm for a year now and these lazy bastards still haven`t grown any crops.
At times I wish I had a clone, but then I realize, I could never live with that a$$hole.
I’m trisexual, as in, I’ll try to have sex with you.
My wife looks super hot without glasses. That’s why I stopped wearing them.
Why do people freak out about dolphins getting caugh in tuna nets? What about the tuna?
is ready to have one too many!