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I`ve fallen down the stairs before. I don`t see what joy the Slinky gets out of it. That sh!t hurts.
My daily routine: Wake up, be awesome, go back to sleep.
Coffee`s a great way to fool yourself into believing you`re going to have a productive day.
I’ve got about as much self control as two rabbits on a first date!
If anyone ever tells you your dreams are silly, remember there’s some millionaire walking around who invented the Pool Noodle.
Today`s brilliant idea: Slim Fast beer.
Hey Monday+?+(???) +?+
If he remembers your eye color after the first date, then you probably have small boobs
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don`t know. Inspirational post are hard.
What ? Who ? Exactly my point. Now move along and go read something else. Nosey !!
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.
Naked and Afraid also describes the last time I spent a night at a Holiday Inn
Not to brag, but I still owe Blockbuster $2.00 for not rewinding Weekend at Bernies.
Sorry I said "nice phone" when you showed me a photo of your baby.
No one texts faster than a gossiping woman.