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Hot Pockets: For when you want every bite to be a different temperature.
I bet Batman`s cape gets stuck in the car door more times than he admits.
Unless your kid’s fundraiser is selling booze, I want no part of it.
To be fair, if I had a friend who could turn water into wine - I’d worship him too.
Sometimes I whisper, "I`m on your side" to the computers, just in case they ever succeed in taking over the world...
Lying about my age is easier now that I have trouble remembering what it is.
Hoodie Footie Pajamas from Pajamagram; because nothing tells a girl you love her like giving her something to cover up her body from head to toe before she gets in your bed.
Whenever i see a facebook page Celebrate; "We have reached 200K fans". I just ask myself, do they know how many of those 200K died or left facebook or can`t remember their password after they liked the page?
Call me old fashioned but I prefer women with eyebrows made out of hair.
It`s funny how things change when you get older. It seems like just yesterday I would spend my evenings on the front porch and treat myself to some killer weed. Now I spend my
my doctor says I have the body of a 20 year old, the mind of a 30 year old and the wisdom of a someone twice my age, to which my husband asked " What did he say about your fat ass?" I said to my husband, "Oh , the doctor didn`t say anything about you dear!".
I woke up early this morning with the strange desire to get up and exercise. Fortunately I rolled over and closed my eyes really tight and the feeling went away.
When one door closes it`s probably because someone shut it.
Who ever invented the knock knock joke should get the no bell prize.
I`m starting to wish I were a werewolf so I`d have a better reason for waking up nude in public with no memory of how I got there.