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Looking for one night stand! Probably need two! I have a lot of books
I didn`t get a chance to do yoga this morning or any other morning of my life.
Summer vacation: Where you drink triple, see double and act single.
I feel like I could give a great NBA locker room speech. "Guys, we`re all millionaires, none of this matters."
Do you guys dance in the shower too? This morning I did the robot! (I short circuited and stared at the wall for 40 minutes, broken)
That awkward moment when you make a Harry Potter reference and none of your Muggle friends get it.
Autocorrect is a great feature, but it can also be your worst enema.
To clear a pop-up ad online, I was just forced to agree that "I don`t care about being healthy and smelling clean."
The new neighbors moved in today. I brought them a box of condoms to show how much I don`t want anymore children living on our street.
Being able to eat while watching Hannibal makes you more of a psychopath than anyone on the show.
I`m going to be the first person to land on the sun! I know what your thinking and thats why I will be going at night.
I made a huge TO DO list for this weekend. I just can’t figure out who’s going to do it.
The Three Up`s in life: 1. Show 2. Keep 3. Shut
I’m not implying you’re stupid. I’m saying it outright. Here, I wrote it in crayon to help you understand.
Four out of five voices in my head are saying this is gonna` be a great day.