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I`m at my most judgmental when standing behind someone in a buffet line.
The adult version of Operation is trying not to break a tortilla chip while dipping it into a jar of salsa.
Showed my daughter an MRE. The package said "Peelable Seal". She said I`m not eating no seal.
Just saw a group of kids trying to put another kid into a dumpster, I had to step in, They couldn`t even lift him, We high-fived & laughed
Pinatas are a great way to teach children that if you repeatedly beat something with a stick, eventually you`ll get what you want.
Glad McDonald`s don`t serve hotdogs, I don`t think I could order a McWeiner with a straight face.
I have a million dollar idea that I will share with the first million people to send me a dollar.......
I`m at my neighbor`s house having the most delicious dinner. Hope I finish before they get home!
My favorite thing around the holidays is being put into a group message with 200 people reply "Who`s This"
I`d like to thanks all the girls for wearing yoga pants. It is the only reason why we`re not complaining about how cold this winter it
My doctor said I should eat better. I told him, with what he charges, Iām lucky I eat at all.
Don`t talk about yourself so much... we`ll do that when you leave.
How easily you`re offended is directly proportional to how dumb you are.
when people fall in love they are called " love birds." when they fight they are called "angry birds."
I`m awesome ... Don`t question it, just deal with it.