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Those of you who say “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” don’t really get how the whole “dead” thing works, do you?
What do you call a woman with big breasts who doesn`t make sandwiches? A compromise.
FYI : My post aren`t directed at anyone in particular...so should anyone be offended by them, I say if the shoe fits ... Wear It!!!!!
Taco Bell drive-thru should have a “I’m Feeling Lucky” button.
I was on way home this morning when I seen an AA van pulled in and the driver was crying his eyes out. I thought to myself that guy is heading for a breakdown.
Holding my breath until someone likes this status.
Trying to understand women is like trying to smell the color 8.
"We attack at dawn!" - Hangovers
Yeah I`m married, but get one thing straight,,, I do WHAT I want, WHEN I wanhjkjhgfd,, THIS IS SCOTT`S WIFE, HE HAS TO GO NOW, HE SAYS GOODNIGHT.
How do we not have lightsabers yet? Its like scientists aren´t even trying.
Nobody cleans a house faster than a man expecting to get laid.
I just watched Back to the Future Part II and not once did I see a person walking around staring at their smartphone.
Walmart has their new Savings Catcher app... I`m thinking savings isn`t the only thing you will catch ...
A few more months without getting laid and I should be eligible for employment at Gamestop.
I Just bought a Ken doll. I don`t know what everyone`s talking about, you can`t read books on this thing