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You wouldn`t believe all the cool stuff I find when I`m under my bed playing.
I’m crazy but not “LeBron is better than Jordan” crazy.
One of the most important things in life is perserverance. Hang on...perseveren...no, perserveer...pesever… oh, never mind.....
I`d gladly eat raw eggs before my workout provided those eggs were inside brownie batter.
I’ve thought long and hard, and have decided on my New Year’s resolution ... 1024×768.
Step 1: Remove food from packaging. Step 2: Throw out packaging Step. 3: Dig packaging out of trash to locate cook time, Repeat steps 2 & 3 as necessary
Never underestimate the power of a hug. Or a slap upside the head. Whatever works.
Of all the martial arts, Karaoke inflicts the most pain.
Old video games couldn`t be won. They just got harder and harder until you died. Just like real life.
Unless your kid`s fundraiser is selling booze, I want no part of it.
Do you ever look through old pictures and wonder, “Where the hell did that shirt go?”
I got food poisoning today. I don`t know when I`ll use it though.
I’m not single and I’m not committed… I’m simply on reserve for the one who deserves…
Fitness? More like, fitness whole pizza in my mouth.
I`m tired of making the same mistakes over and over again. Does anyone have any new mistakes I can borrow?