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If we all winked, laughed out loud, stuck out our tongues and blew kisses in real life as much as we do in texts...it would be very creepy.
No, I would not like to know what fruit my body is shaped like.
I always hate when I miss out on wear your pajamas to Wal-Mart night.
Do you know what sexual position produces the ugliest children? ... Go ask your mother.
If I ran the country, things would be a lot better ... Well, for me anyway.
Respect your elders. They made it through school without Google and Wikipedia.
You could completely eliminate the semicolon key and 90% of people wouldn`t notice... until they needed to wink at somebody.
Me, on phone to credit card company: What if you just break my kneecaps and we call it even?
WARNING: Every single thing I post from here on in, is alcohol induced.
Car alarms should sound like two chicks in a fight. I`d look out the window for that.
We didn`t take a video recording of our child`s birth but we have some awesome video of his conception.
If you want to be remembered after you die, borrow money from everyone you know.
NyQuil is great. I love the way it comes with it´s own shot glass
Would you like a push on that mood swing of yours?
Shoplifting may be wrong in a general sense, but what if, for example, I`m bored of paying for things