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They call themselves independent women until furniture needs to be moved
I will stop eating ice cream out of the container once I make it completely level.
Easy way to kill me: Dangle a spider from my rearview mirror while I`m driving.
My phone battery lasts longer than relationships these days
Tip of the day: When there’s a will…find a way to be in it!
I can sum up my life in three words: “just browsing, thanks.”
The problem with plants is that you have to water them… like more than once apparently.
Does anyone have plans to stare at their phones somewhere exciting this weekend?
I`m going to be the first person to land on the sun! I know what your thinking and thats why I will be going at night.
I`d love to have kids one day. Two days, tops.
Peeing in the sink is a great time saver: no lifting the seat, no flush, sink is right there to wash hands jk I don`t wash my hands.
I would of read and liked your status if it wasn`t like 3 pages long.
I just replaced the can of air freshener in the office bathroom with an air horn. And now we wait....
*pulls shirt back down* I guess I don`t understand what a flash mob actually is.
I told my kids to follow their hopes and dreams, as long as their hopes and dreams lead them out of my house when they`re 18.