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If you got up this morning and ran straight to fb i am 100% POSITIVE its because you missed me.
Was sitting and doing nothing. Then I realized I could be sitting and doing nothing on Facebook. So here I am.
Sometimes I get road rage standing in lines.
I just want to read, have a snack, then take a nap. Basically, I just want to be in kindergarten again.
If Shrek can find love, so can you. What I`m trying to say is, you look like Shrek.
if the shoe fits wear it , if it too tight take it off
Christmas is just like a day at the office ... You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
I remember when going viral meant having to tell several people they better get tested.
Your cat doesn`t love you. If it were bigger it would eat you.
I feel like Frosted Flakes gives kids an unreasonable expectation of how friendly tigers are when you try to feed them a bowl of cereal.
I get in this weird mood where I don’t want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone. I call this mood ‘Awake’
Side effects of telling your wife to get a grip may include throat bruising or testicular swelling.
i wasnt tht drunk u was holding a ballon thinking it was a comdom
I`m sick and tired of people telling me to turn off lights to save the environment. I tried it once, and I nearly killed some guy on a bike.
I`m sure the guy standing at the urinal next to me, regrets wearing those flip flops today.