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Taco Bell is donating burritos to feed firefighters in Colorado. Talk about putting gas on the fire,
Your family tree has a couple of coconuts
I`ve considered changing career paths and becoming a demolitions expert, but then I hear the education may cost me an arm and a leg.
I`m sorry, your photo is so confusing. You`re gonna need to hashtag every detail of it for me so I can grasp what`s going on here.
Here walk a mile in my shoes. They`re giving me huge blisters.
No matter how much you push the envelope - it`ll still be stationery.
That awkward moment when the automatic flushing toilet goes off when you`re still sitting down.
Think about how much more stressful life`s most stressful moments would be if accompanied by the running-out-of-time music in Mario Bros.
Batman had the bat signal. If you need to get my attention, hold a Roast Beef Sandwich over a floor lamp and aim it at my apartment.
Why hasn`t anyone written a sequal song to "Jessie`s Girl" ... Where he discovers what an incredible high maintenance drag she is?
Eating Popcorn: 90% during the trailers. 10% during the movie.
Somewhere, right now.. One of my Facebook friends is already drunk!
Our parents did the same sh!t too, they`re just liars.
We think therefore we must be, but are we?
If Wal-Mart ends up selling mortgages, the trailer market will explode.