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I never make stupid mistakes ... only very clever ones
"Kids are great when you need help around the house." - People who don`t have kids
When I`m sad, I sing...Then I realise my voice is worse than my problems.
I hate in video games how penguins always use their ability to slide on their stomachs for evil
Unless you fell off the treadmill and smashed your face, nobody wants to hear about your workout.
Of course I`m using OJ as a mixer, it`s flu season.
My cats always look at me like I should have planned something for us to do.
I think today I`m going to cut off the sleeves of my snuggie and walk around the neighborhood pretending I`m in a Clint Eastwood western movie.
Life is far too short to remove the USB safely.
Ride me like you stole me.
Here’s a little bit of advice for you.. advi
With all the new car technology you would think someone could invent a side mirror that could show where an object actually appears.
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.
Be nice to a nerd. Prevent a supervillain.
I think Facebook now comes under the housework category.