Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
A good husband is like a bra. He should be supportive and help support your burdens, but mostly he`s just there to touch your boobs.
Fighting is bad. Breaking up a fight between a douchebag and the bar owner is good. Thank God I`m a ninja.
Definition: Brain - Your body`s hardest working organ. It works 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, from birth until you...fall in love.
Nothing says "I mean business" like bringing a shopping cart to the liquor store.
If abortion is murder then are condoms kidnapping?
If you want your team to win a sporting event just tell me. I will root for the other team. That will guarantee a win for your team.
Sorry, I was not paying attention. I was thinking about having sex with you.
My friends says that I spend too much time talking to random people online. What do you guys think?
My friends are weird. They keep vegetables in their beer crisper. Freaks
“I need to stop,” I whispered as I clicked next episode.
popsicle sticks: $1. caramel: $3. onion: $1. watching ur kid bite into a caramel onion thinking its an apple: priceless.
If women kept their feelings to themselves would they explode? Guess we`ll never know.
The Bishop came to our church today, but I think he was an imposter. He never once moved diagonally.
I prefer a slowie not a quickie.
Reincarnation is my only hope.