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Olympic Mens Ice Hockey USA vs Canada. Loser keeps Justin Bieber.
I can´t wait until Weight Watchers comes out with a beer.
Who do Walmart shoppers make fun of?
My kids can be difficult sometimes, but my mom always assures me that I deserve it.
Behind every beautiful song is a person who really shouldn`t sing it out loud in public
If ignorance really was bliss we`d have a lot more really happy people around here.
Not All Of The `Goodbyes` Are Sad (eg. * Goodbye School * Goodbye Work)
Girlfriend said she felt she looked fat, tired, and ugly. Said she needed a compliment. I told her that her eyesight was nearly flawless.
My car remote died. I had to insert my key into the lock like some kind of goddamn animal.
Which emoticon indicates the desire to cover someone with fire ants?
No, I would not like to join your exclusive membership rewards club. I’m buying a sandwich.
Today, I`m really gonna give it my nothing
It`s amazing how much us guys complain about women and then fully trust them with our pen!ses in their mouth.
When your feeling down, I will be there to feel you up. ;)
A police officer just knocked on my door to tell me my dogs were chasing kids down the road on bikes.. Umm.. My dogs don`t even own bikes?