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My internet addiction is getting alt of ctl.
There is a fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”
2 can keep a secret if one of them is dead...
If you think buying condoms is awkward, try returning them.
How do people rap? I can’t even talk without messing it up.
Nothing says God is forgiving like hell.
I can take care of my drunk friends, so the responsibility of having children doesn`t worry me.
If you`re able to roll over in your grave, you should save that energy for yelling and digging.
I would eat a lot more salads if they were made out of pizza.
Hey ladies, you know that feeling you get when you roll over & realize you made a horrible mistake? I could give that to you every day.
Vegetarian is an old Native American word for bad hunter.
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because for a few miles they believed you were the real bus driver.
The boss said I should let my creative juices flow. What he doesn’t know is that my creative juices are vodka and cranberry.
If you`re in a hole, stop digging...
"Hey bro shotgun this beer" No I don`t drink "You wanna be cool don`t you?" I don`t drink "C`mon NERD!" Grandma PLEASE stop