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To those girls who always put"CRYING" at the end of every status, seriously what do you expect us to do, inbox you a tissue?
My neighbors got so weird when I asked how many bodies they thought were buried in their yard. I meant roughly, not like an exact number.
As I said before, I never repeat myself.
I’ve come to the realization that the trash goes out more than I do.
Shoutout to my parents for not wearing a condom and creating the most awesome person alive.
Just changed my dating profile headline to: “Seeking rich old men with bad hearts and no relatives” …crossing my fingers.
dear journal..im now the coolest kid in school....mom:SWEETIE THE CHESSCLUB IS HERE 4 U!!!
I`m always surprised when heavily tattooed couples have a baby and it comes out blank
If you`ve ever watched a butcher wrap pork chops, you`ve seen me wrapping Christmas presents.
When I say ‘it’s a long story’, it doesn’t mean it’s actually a long story. It means I just don’t want to tell you.
Politicians are people who have too little an amount of morals and ethics to remain lawyers.
I watched my first porn movie today. I looked so much younger back then.
I’m not the kind of person you ever put on speaker phone.
It takes about 2.9 seconds for me to go from “this is the best day ever” to “I want to stab every person on planet Earth.”
People with no money sure do have a lot of pot.