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Years ago, my girlfriend said, “It’s me or the beer!” I wonder how she doing…
If you bend over and place your ear next to a girls vagina , you can clearly hear her say "WTF are you Doing!"
My wife is amazing in bed. She can fall asleep immediately no matter how loud the TV is on.
I don`t think America should elect a president in 2016. We need to be single for a few years and find ourselves.
The longest five seconds in anyone’s life is waiting to press the “Skip Ad” button on YouTube.
Police officer: Ma`am do you know why I pulled you over? Me: I`m just as confused as you are.
You`re an intellectual who doesn`t read books? I completely understand because I`m an athlete that rarely moves.
National no bra day wasn`t as successful as the creators had hoped. due to sagging attendants and lack of support.
Instead of laughing my a$$ off, I`m going to start laughing my stomach off. I`d rather lose that.
I feel bad for lions at zoos. How would you feel if a bunch of pizzas came to your house, took your picture, and you couldn’t even eat them?
If people could hear the next five seconds after we hit end call, we would all have no friends.
love a girl with a trimmed bush because it makes it easier to see into her window at night.
Opposites attract, that`s the trouble with being awesome
The drunker I get, the more dance moves I know.
I made the mistake of asking Siri what women want....she has been talking non-stop for the last 3 days.