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You never really know a woman, until she takes you to court.
Women can brutally and methodically destroy your life. But they let you see their tits along the way so it`s totally cool.
If intelligent people don’t start having babies as fast as the trash in “honey boo boo”, we’re headed for a very dumb future. Am I the only one that sees this?!
Black Friday, because after a day of thankfully stuffing your face, you deserve a deal on purchases you don’t need.
If a woman asks if you "notice anything new" tell her "I do, your beauty surprises me every day." Then continue thinking about velociraptors
I wish my car was fueled by my lack of desire to go to work.
Pretty much the only time I want to hear about your ex is if she`s standing behind me with a weapon, other than that I`m good.
I can tell a police officer is gay by the way he writes me a ticket instead of letting me off with a warning.
The trouble with bucket seats is that, not everybody has the same size bucket.
I scratch my a$$ way to much to chew my fingernails...
I watched my first porn movie today. I looked so much younger back then...
If Jimmy cracked corn and no one cares, then why the heck is there a song about it?
Kinda makes you wonder how many employees used to piss on their hands in the bathroom before management finally took action
who`s smart idea wus it to name a monkey Donkey Kong??
I`m angrier than a waitress forced to sing happy birthday