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Couldn`t stop thinking about that drought on the west coast while I was watering my driveway today.
96% of my life is spent trying to figure out when I can get my next nap in.
Some people should use a glue stick instead of a chap stick.
A “buttload” of underwear would be exactly one pair.
There was a sense of accomplishment finishing the daily newspaper. I literally have no idea when I`m supposed to stop reading the internet.
This generation is guilty of making the wrong people rich and famous.
Exercise makes you look better naked. Alcohol does the same, you pick..
If I hug you longer than 3 seconds, I’m picking your pockets.
You`ll never see me on Hoarders because I can`t afford that much sh!t.
Be the best you can be, while being the worst that you`re able to get away with.
I once bought shoes in China that said "made around the corner"
When you`re down about your body image just type "fat people" into Google images, always makes me feel better!:)
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer ... That`s all.
I just hope my stalker doesn`t tell my dentist how infrequently I floss.
People who go to the store and buy the single roll of toilet paper must not have an optimistic view of their life expectancy.