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If you think this status is funny someone you hate will step on a lego.
I got kicked out of the pool today ... apperently the breaststroke isn`t what I thought it was.
You’re not really living if you don’t have an arch-nemesis.
The weekend went by and I don’t remember any of it. That’s a good thing right?
My gift horse is facing the wrong way
My train of thought is loco, no motive.
Can Walmart be a feeling? I think that`s how I feel today.
I have lots of great personality traits. Or as my doctor calls them, symptoms.
When they say all expenses paid, does that include bail?
The only way I know if I’ve bought enough beer is if my car thinks I have a passenger.
I can`t tell if I`m really nice but secretly an a$$hole or an a$$hole but secretly really nice.
Fish who are caught and released are like the aquatic equivalent of people who claim to have been abducted by aliens.
No, I don`t need a Fitbit. I can count to 45 by myself.
I just don`t understand why Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell car insurance.
Water is so good when it`s mixed with grains and yeast, fermented and then distilled and aged.