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I just can`t help it ... Sarcastic bitch is built-in.
People of planet Earth, thank your gods that I`m not in charge of the red button.
Naked yoga in the backyard is the best way to get the neighbors to pay for that privacy fence.
Goodnight friends, strangers, pervs, weirdos and a$$holes, and anybody else I left out.
I was offering free mammograms in the company parking lot long before my employer was doing it ... just sayin
Do you ever order a club sandwich just to feel like you`re a part of something?
Does everyone have that one dumb ass that finds you on Facebook and will not give up? Repeated friend requests, inbox messages, and follows my pages. It is driving me nuts. I understand at some point I will have to give in, but just because I am married to her doesn`t mean I have to like her, right?
I walked a girl home last night, and things got a little awkward at one point when she turned around and found out I was walking her home.
Literally saw someone get a tattoo of a camel on their toe.
Whenever I meet a new girl, I introduce myself by shaking hands with my left hand. I don’t want her to meet her competition right away.
I could be a morning person....if morning happened around noon.
If I had a dollar for every time someone has told me to "grow up," I could probably afford a whole arsenal of Super Soakers.
Card on top of gift reads `I want you wearing this tonight` only to open the gift to find NOTHING
If you’re keeping score in your relationship, I promise you, you’re losing.
wishes that more people would declare thumb wars these days. I`m sure that all this texting has prepared my thumb muscles for battle.