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I shouldn`t have to work. People should just pay me for being awesome.
Friend: Hey that`s a great truck. what kinda engine? Me: [rubbing the hood] it`s got a truck engine
I wanna be skinny but I also want to have pizza for breakfast lunch and dinner, you feel me?
Cop: do you know why I pulled you over? Me: pfft. I could think of like fifty reasons, I’m not falling for that.
The only person whom a woman listens carefully & follows sincerely & does exactly as he says is a photographer
Will you go with me to my therapist tomorrow? He thinks I`m making you up.
I`m not leaving here without some kind of balloon
You make me wanna be a better stalker. No, seriously. Slow the f*ck down.
There is 2 address we will always know by heart, 1: Our Own, and 2: P. Sherman 42 wallyby way Sydney!
I cannot turn water into wine but, I can turn ice cream into breakfast so that’s pretty neat.
Babies are really cute until you meet one that`s not a picture.
Last night I was walking the sexiest girl ever home until she turned around and saw me.
I`m disgusted by the thought of people updating their status while sitting on the toilet like I am right now.
I Don`t Care If you Don`t Like Me .. Iam Not A Facebook Status :D