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Jesus is coming.... look busy
Its all fun and games until you realize your Capri Sun has no straw.
I’d like to think I’ve taught Citibank a valuable lesson about handing out credit cards all willy-nilly.
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
My girlfriend ended up with a broken nose today because she wouldn`t listen to me... I said,"You`re about to walk into a lamppost."
I`ve come to terms with the fact that I will never experience leftover pizza.
"A vodka, please" "Sir, this is McDonald`s" "OK, a McVodka, please and super size it."
I hope we`re friends until we die and then I hope we stay ghost friends and walk through walls and scare the sh!t out of people.
Just been wondering what "please Do Not Touch" would be in Braille
"Just Be yourself" is something I rarely hear from people who know me well.
Have you ever just sat there and realized how weird you are?
I may or may not have just "Whipped my Hair Back and Forth".......
It’s a good job Apple isn’t in charge of New Year. We’d all be expecting 2015 and get 2014S instead.
I’m not saying I need to manscape, but when I get an erection it looks like Pinocchio has joined the Taliban.
I’m not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they’d come up sliced.