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Here`s an idea...You go away and I`ll stop ignoring you.
All the guys in working out photos look like they`re straining or in pain, but there`s lots of pictures of me with cake and I look happy. Just saying.
Is it wrong, to put people on your bucket list?
I really think that Caller ID needs to be more detailed. It should say things like "Wants help moving" or "Will whine about bad relationship."
Me: Where can I find the milk? Her: Sir, this is a library. Me: *whispers* Sorry, where can I find the milk?
Watching MTV Cribs makes me feel better about downloading music off the internet.
I`m beginning to think they invented the wireless mouse just so there was one less thing to use to hang yourself with at work.
A lot of guys get married just because they`re hungry.
I’m an organ donor, but I’m pretty sure all they’re going to use is my liver for “after” photos.
A dirty mind is f*cking beautiful!
I`m sick and tired of people telling me to turn off lights to save the environment. I tried it once, and I nearly killed some guy on a bike.
I bought a book on eBay called, "How to scam on eBay". That was 2 months ago, and it`s not arrived yet
I am a gentleman, based on the clubs I go to.
My ex was an absolute treasure and by treasure I mean you`ll need a shovel and map to find him.
I`m gonna just take a quick nap before I go to bed.