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"I`m on my way." -People who haven`t even left the house yet.
I`m an organ donor, but I`m pretty sure all they`re going to use my liver for is "after" photos.
A man who took an Airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case.
Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
I don`t think my neighbor knows my rule about not interacting unless we`re both pointing at the same tornado.
Applebees is a word that starts off pretty tame but takes a dangerous twist
The guy that figured out babies instinctively hold their breath under water probably had a lot of explaining to do.
I never run with scissors. (those last two words were unnecessary.)
If I had a dollar for every time someone told me I was ugly, I`d be broke as hell because I`m a sexy beast!!
are you free tomorrow ?! no I am f**king expensive !!
If you can read this, you`re not having sex either.
They say you are what you eat but I don’t remember eating a sexy beast.
I’m so old, I can remember going through a whole day without taking a picture of anything.
Being fabulous all day makes me really, really tired.
I`m feeling 22.. Pounds overweight.