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If I don`t `like` your post it`s because I don`t care...
How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
In alcohol`s defense, I`ve done some pretty dumb shit while completely sober too.
Why do we call it toilet paper? Does anyone wipe their toilet with it?
My hand is stuck in a Pringles can. I`ll just leave it there. I`m not hiding who I am anymore.
If I was Neil Armstrong landing on the moon, "That`s one small step for man," would have been, "Screw you every girl who ever shot me down!"
Is beer cheaper on cyber monday?
Maths teacher: If you have 12 chocolates and you give 5 to Mary, 3 to Claire and 2 to Elizabeth then what will you get? Me: 3 new girlfriends.
If by angry birds you mean flipping off a$$holes while driving then yes I`m at the expert level of Angry Birds
So I harvested my tomato today, it`s bound to be good considering the $43.29 I invested to plant it.
I`ve robbed banks before...and they`re never getting their pens back.
Elderly people used to always nudge me at weddings and say "You`re next."What got them to stop is when............I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
I love asking kids what they want to be when they grow because I`m still looking for ideas
Would buy you a drink but I would be jealous of the glass.
Sometimes I just sit and run my fingers through my lovers hair. It`s a nice way to let them know my love and also that we`re out of napkins.