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The hardest part about being rejected is that I end up liking them even more as a person for their ability to make great decisions.
Change is always hard.... Especially when a jar of it falls on your head.
Remember when there was more important crap to do besides Facebook all day? Me neither.
Why is it called stealing when your WIFI is trespassing in my house?
I`m a bad multitasker and even a questionable monotasker
Beer doesn’t have that many vitamins in it…that’s why you have to drink a lot.
2011: Come at me bro! 1800`s: Advance towards me brethren!
I was admiring my six pack in the mirror for two hours,then it got cold and I put it in the fridge
He who laughs first, must be connected to wi-fi.
I`m getting tired of having to write "Sent from my iPhone" at the end of all my e-mails. Maybe I should just get an iPhone.
Thought I was having deja-vu. But it turns out, I do the exact same things every day.
I`ve decided that throughout the time period starting with Thanksgiving, continuing on to Christmas and ending on New Years Day, the term `Calories" regarding all food shall be referred to as "Deliciousness Points."
Does swimming in debt count as cardio?
A fun way to "Break up" is to tell them to "Go long" and then never throw them the football.
Being fabulous all day makes me really, really tired.