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wonders how you can knock sense into someone when you`re beating them senseless?
Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
Some days, the best thing about my job is that the chair spins.
I don`t believe in karma, but I do believe in punching people in the face.
That message felt like a great idea until I hit send.
No, I’m not funny. I’m just really mean and everyone thinks I’m joking.
I dreamed about you last night, and so you know; Shame on you!!
Sometimes I feel like a loser for spending so much time on Facebook. Then I remember there are people out there who comment on pornhub videos
It took me quite some time to be this good a procrastinator
"This isn`t my first rodeo" -Guy at his second rodeo
Don’t judge me until you’ve walked a mile with my shoes….shoved up your a$$.
Christmas time always make me blue :-(( and then red, then green, then oh wow.. presents...
Pretty busy today. Was only able to check my phone 1400 times.
Every pizza is a personal pizza if you eat the entire thing.
My Wife asked, "Would you like a romantic interlude?" I said, "Does a bear crap in the woods?". Wish I`d just said `Yes`, she`s been on Google ever since.