Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you make something easier for yourself they call you lazy. If you make something easier for everyone else they call you a genius.
I would watch NASCAR if hot wheels designed the tracks.
What thinks the unthinkable? An itheberg.
I tried to make both ends meet, but I`m a poor judge of distance.
It only takes 2 ingredients to make a baby. Does that not blow your mind. Like at least there should be some flour or something.
Stretch pants are like Wonder Bras for your butt cheeks
I`m a responsible person. People are always saying "I know you`re responsible for this."
Go buy a burrito, leave it in your fridge, get drunk, come home and be your own best secret admirer.
I can`t wait for Taylor Swift to break up with a black guy, so she can write a rap album!
Sarcasm is funnier when used on people who don`t understand it.
I`m not antisocial. I`m pro leave-me-the-hell-alone.
The parents with the ugliest babies take and post the most pictures.
Why is it all the good things in life are either illegal, immoral, impossible, addictive, or fattening?
I`ve run out of things to be upset about. I hope Justin Bieber has kids soon.
If Iām ever murdered, I have no doubt that my chalk outline would include my phone in my hand.