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is about to stick a pin in your voodoo doll... brace yourself.
Alright, I admit it. Sometimes when I wave my hands in the air, I actually do care.
You millennials and your obsession with public healthcare. Back in my day we just died
I feel like I`m not getting the full experience of a gas station bathroom if I don`t cut and dye my hair and change my identity.
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house...
I am pretty sure dry cleaning is a scam where they just laugh and rub money on your clothes then hang them back up in a plastic bag.
It must really suck to take life so seriously that you can’t enjoy it.
I wonder what Facebook employees do at work to waste time.
What age is the best to break it to my kids, that they`re NOT adopted?
I like candle lit dinners, romantic walks on the beach, and hardcore pornography.
I got a job at Bath and Body Works just so I can tell people to smell my finger...
Me on New Years Eve: “I suggest we drink before we go out drinking.”
Ten out of ten pigs prefer turkey bacon over regular bacon.
I am the type to fart in a crowded train and get just as upset as everyone else.
Back before Walmart, you used to have to buy a ticket to see a bearded woman.