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Guy asked me where a public phone was. I told him 1987.
Not every flower can say love, but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst, but a cactus did. Not every dummy can read, but look at you go...
The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you dont have to mow it.
I wish I could google the things I’ve misplaced.
If the conversation gets too serious and uncomfortable, take your pants off.
Proposing to a woman isn’t like choosing a life-long business partner. It’s more like hiring your own boss.
My son asked me to explain women to him, so I bought him an XBOX game for his Playstation.
My lack of dusting will finally pay off on Halloween.
I fell asleep at the wheel smh, time to turn Mario Kart off and go to bed.
Hiding the bank statement from your husband is the adult version of hiding your report card from your parents.
Ya know what I really hate about mornings? People start talking to me!
The early bird gets the worm. But the second mouse gets the cheese.
If I was on drugs, this post would be amazing.
I wonder if New York people find it weird to watch their own city being destroyed in Hollywood movies so many times..!!
The problem with money is too much of it belongs to people who aren’t me.