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I have to wonder why we have "non-essential" government employees in the first place.
There are no bad photos. That’s just how you look sometimes.
Before meeting a hot chick, wish I could talk to the dude who`s sick of her bullsh!t.
My doctor says each piece of bacon takes 9 minutes off your life... If my math is right, I should`ve died in 1781...
Today`s society is a good example of what happens when you let the clowns run the circus.
I bet it’s called Almond Milk, because no one would buy Nut Juice.
If your girl sets her Facebook relationship status to “Widowed”, it’s time to pack a suitcase as fast as possible.
If looks could kill, mirrors would be the leading cause of death among ugly people
My friends says that I spend too much time talking to random people online. What do you guys think?
Just a word of advice for all you single guys having a hard time out there, Forget the clubs, forget the churches, forget the online dating sites, as the best places to meet single women are the freezer section and down the cat food isle.....
I don`t care if its a scam! Just the fact that the Prince of Nigeria sends me personal email makes me feel special!
Haircuts are great because I did none of the work but get all of the credit.
Want someone to stop texting you? Sleep with them.
No thanks, Inspirational guy, but I am only on Facebook for the jokes and the meltdowns.
I could never trust a psychic who hasn`t won the lottery at least once.