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There are no winners the day following a green beer, corned beef, and cabbage binge.
During the summer months, be sure to dress for the body you have. Not the body you want.
I just burned 1200 calories ... I forgot the pizza in the oven again.
I hope this guy at the urinal next to me can see that I`m checking Facebook and not taking pictures.
Legally,It´s questionable. Morally,It´s disgusting. Personally,I like it.
I`d walk barefoot across an ocean of Legos for you.
Let`s all play a game: For every political post, you must post 5 non political posts. #makefacebookhappyagain
I know you`re the instructor but I`ve seen Ghost 47 times so I know for a fact this IS how pottery is made!
I like people... From a distance.
The recommended age to have a Ouija Board is 8+ years old. So, you need to be 21 years old to drink alcohol and 8 to summon the devil.
I haven`t lost all of my marbles but there is definitely a hole in the bag.
Men are usually too focused on the cleavage in the shirt to notice the crazy in the eyes.
The worst form of Alzheimer’s is when you walk out of the kitchen and forget to grab a beer.
If you`re in WalMart and you`re holding in a fart, just remember, YOU`RE IN WALMART!!
In honor of this years` Super Bowl participants respective States of residence, they`ve changed kickoff to 4:20 Eastern Standard time.