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Restaurant Advertisement: We serve food as HOT as your neighbour’s wife; And beer as COLD as your own. :)
Your car took up two spaces, I tried to move it over with my key.
Explain to me the down side of being under house arrest.
Timeouts just give children a quiet place to plot your murder.
I told everyone at work that I have a twin so that when I see them in public I won`t have to talk to them.
Why was the cat in the bag in the first place?
It`s funny how you think it`s your cat leaving all those dead birds on your doorstep.
I like to make up words just to keep my auto correct in check.
Your shadow is a confirmation that light has traveled nearly 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet thanks to you
If anyone lost a roll of hundred dollar bills, with a rubber band around it...... I found the rubber band.
It would serve me better if they put shopping carts in the middle of the store where my pride realizes I have too much shit to carry.
I`ve just seen an advert in my local newspaper. ACCOUNTANT NEEDED! $35,000 - $40,000 So I called them up and said, "The answer is -$5,000."
No, no, no, you don`t have to engage in a long explanation of why you`re single. We`ve spent five minutes together, I think I`ve got it.
Cookies and porn are always better when they`re homemade!
Every morning I swallow a piece of paper that says "Keep up the good work fellas!!" just in case I die and the doctors have to do an autopsy on me