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Let me just flip this here omelette.... aaaaaand I`m having scrambled eggs
Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, `You`re only interested in one thing,` and you can`t remember what it is.
Most computer problems are caused by a loose nut between the chair and the keyboard.
Mcdonalds Drive thru: Do you want a girl toy or a boy toy? Me: You have those here?!
And all this time I thought a chickpea was when women went to the bathroom in groups.
Why is there a show called "When animals attack"? It should be called "When stupid people go near dangerous animals."
I just found out that his full name is actually, Vehicle Identification Number Diesel.
Mister Rogers didn’t adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood.
Having a 14 year old has made me realize why some species eat their young.
Mister Rogers didn`t adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood.
Check this one out.........1
I lost 3 pounds over the weekend, but not to worry I found them lastnight at pizza hut
So far this is the oldest I`ve ever been.
It`s kind of funny how as you get older, you start enjoying things that you hated as a kid, like taking naps and getting spanked.
Not to brag,,,, but legally,,, before something can be labeled "Idiot Proof",,, they have to run it by ME.