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Remember when phones were stupid and people were smart?
Teenage girls hang out in odd numbered groups because they literally can`t even.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the people I can not change.
I love nostalgia. Not sure what it means, but it reminds me of magical words from my childhood.
Today is Valentine’s Day or as I call it… Tuesday.
Patience is what parents have when there are witnesses.
I`d have a longer attention span if things weren`t so shiny.
How to meet a girl: 1) Walk into a bar. 2) Shout “Heroes in a half shell.” 3) When a girl yells back “Turtle Power,” marry her.
is it just me, or did anyone else think that we would be living like the Jetson´s by 2011?
He who laughs last didn´t get it.
25% of of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness. The other 75% are running around untreated.
Went to a nudest camp once and all I could think was.. these are the people you see dressed in Wal-Mart that you don`t want to see naked.
If she is still able to walk to the kitchen after s@x , you don`t deserve a sandwich.
Some of my friendships are bad for my liver.
The waitress asked if I was done with that, I said yes but I`m married to it.