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I don’t think it’s a coincidence that morning and mourning sound the same.
My gift horse is facing the wrong way
Dear Santa, I would like a thin body and a fat bank account. Don’t mix it up this year!
The whole purpose of vacationing is to make you appreciate knowing where the channels are at home.
Don’t look unless you’re prepared to see.
If anybody asks, I was on Facebook all night tonight, okay? Thanks for having my back, everyone.
is wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of "liking" my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I´m awesome..
Today is national bring your flask to work day. I just made it up. Tell the others...
Exercise? I thought you said "extra fries".
Attractive Woman: What time is it? Me: Haha. Yeah definitely
Spring cleaning: The term that gives us an excuse to only clean once a year.
I would unfriend you but I enjoy laughing at your life.
If you’re a douchebag, it’s so easy to find the right hat.
I`ve got worms !!!! ......... worms in me garden
I have a "honk if you think I`m sexy" bumper sticker on my truck so that way on the way to work, if I`m not feeling to excited to be there, I sit at a green light until I feel better.