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The sexiest fantasy in 50 Shades Of Grey is the bit where she gets a job in journalism without having to do years of unpaid work experience.
My innocent look never works in the nude.
To all the lovely ladies here I`m not wearing green....to all the guys here, I know Ju-Jitsu. Just saying
The Australian kiss is just like the French kiss but down under.
OMG, you`re huge! There`s no way you`ll fit inside me.- My clothes probably.
Have you ever said something and immediately thought “I didn’t know I knew that."
After the expiration date on poison, is it more potent or less potent?
"If your father asks you to pick up 5 large bags of ice, the best place to put them is in the backyard in direct sun" ~ My son apparently
There are days when everything goes perfectly. . I wonder what those are like?
Here`s an idea...Duck Dynasty Chia Pets
I feel like I would enjoy getting out of bed more if I only had to do it like 3 times a week. This every day thing is overkill.
I`ve been having real problems with nuisance phone calls lately. The most common one seems to be "You said you`d be home from the bar three f*cking hours ago!"
Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza.
Money isn´t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children.
I pulled my wife`s panties to the side.......then put the rest of her socks in the drawer.