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"My phone`s about to die." -Me, 30 seconds into every phone call
Prostitution must be a hole sale business.
Maybe my goal was to be a 35 year old loser on the Internet ... You don`t know.
Next time you’re asked “What’s Up” respond “A delightful animated film about a young boy and an old man who fly away to an exotic place in a balloon house.”
I`ve seen more pins in the last few days then stone cold steve austin on groundhog day..
I used to care ... but I take a pill for that now.
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn`t concentrate.
My pants are 75% off.
Chase you? ... B!tch please, I don`t even chase my liquor.
The guy who invented, "Take Your Child To Work Day," probably forgot to drop his kid off at school on his way to work..
Alcohol doesn`t make you fat, it makes you lean..........against tables, chairs, walls, and garbage cans.
I’m not lazy, I’m on energy saving mode.
The hardest job in the world must be working in a bubble wrap factory. Can you imagine the self control that is required?
heyy lol
If at first you don’t succeed, look in the trash for the instructions