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On the bright side, I`m relieved we live in a society where we acknowledge that the people who make sandwiches are artists.
So,do people in England speaks American now that people in America speaks English?
I`m going to start carrying fireworks in my car because sometimes my horn just isn`t enough.
Is it weird to get naked during a massage? At what point can I ask the masseuse to put his pants back on?
I like playing with my dog when I`m high. Because I don`t have one when I`m sober.
I just broke my record for most days lived.
Thanks for calling me to tell me you just sent that email
If the world dosen`t end on the 21st, I sure do have a lot of MREs to gift wrap.
I am not sure why a guy getting trapped in a vagina sculpture is big news...men have been trapped by vaginas for many years.
I puked in the backseat of my friend`s brand new Mustang in the Fall of 1989. There wasn`t any social networking back then, so I`m telling you all now...
I don’t like country music, but I don’t mean to denigrate those who do... And for those who like country music, denigrate means ‘to speak badly of`.
I wonder where superman changes now that there are no more phone booths
Meanwhile on Facebook someone has made a casserole....
The best government job has to be assigning names to secret operations.
When Miley Cyrus is naked and licks a hammer it’s “art” and “music”... but when I do it, I’m “wasted” and “have to leave Home Depot"