Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`d be willing to sleep my way to the top if it actually meant sleeping.
Damn…I’m having an out of money experience.
How does it change many dyslexics to take a lightbulb?
You can`t make me believe there`s a shortage of jobs in this country when there are 23 cash registers at WalMart and only 3 cashiers.
Starbucks announced guns are no longer allowed in their stores. Seems crazy banks didn`t think of this.
To make a long story short quit right in the middle.
A boob job sounds like the best job in the world.
A slug is just a divorced snail.
Everything is so much funnier when you`re not allowed to laugh.
Are the unmarried employees at Kraft known as Kraft singles?
Could you imagine if guys commented on their guy friends` profiles the way girls do? "Bro, you look so handsome" "Looking hot, man!" "OMG, your jawline is cray" "Ugh, how are you this perfect dude? I`m jelly" "sexy much?!"
If a mass murderer on death row ordered a Klondike Bar for his last meal I bet it would explain a lot.
Good job on the speed traps, cops – How are the murderer traps coming along?
Breasts are like model trains. They were originally meant for children but grown men always want to play with them.
If your friends tell you not to give in to peer pressure and you don`t: technically, you did