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The Wizard of Oz is really just a cautionary tale about the lengths a woman will go to for the right shoes.
It’s silly how we spend money on clothes when naked is free.
We can`t cure cancer, diabetes or PMS, but we have 10 different pills to make a mans happy place bigger.
The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
It`s amazing how I come up with my best status updates when I`m in the shower or when I`m driving. I think it has a lot to do with me being naked.
Tired of those Political Ads on television?...... You may be entitled to compensation.
Ride me like you stole me.
A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up alongside him and say, “It’s okay, I think we lost him.”
High-five a veteran today.
Not sure yet why this cookie dough has baking instructions on the package.
I`m jealous of my parents, I`ll never have kids as cool as theirs.
Cleavage is something you can look down on and approve of at the same time.
If I ever get arrested I am going to ask for a status update instead of a phone call.
I like how automatic doors just get out of my way. I wish more inanimate objects seemed scared of me.
When I am working, I get paid to be nice. I don`t understand why my friends and family expect me to do it for free during my time off.