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The weekend went by and I don’t remember any of it. That’s a good thing right?
A lot of you lose your sh!t and have some pretty epic, public meltdowns. I just wanted to say thanks.
I hate it when you`re buying stuff off the Internet and the bank calls to check to see if your card has been stolen. Sure, it seems nice, but then you have to explain to lady on the phone that no, it was not stolen, you really are the one who bought a subscription to bustyblondes.com
My friends had a surprise party for me last night, well I called it a surprise party they called it an intervention.
The last time I touched a breast, it was in a KFC bucket.
Why do we offer "a word to the wise" when it`s the stupid ones that need the advice?
Shark week is over, but I`m not taking my decorations down.
Dora the explorer.... Y U NO GET GPS?
Example of the difference between `You`re`and `Your`: 1. "You`re nuts" = "You are nuts" 2. "Your nuts" = "What about my nuts?"
Staring longingly at the door works for my dog, but I tried it at work and no one let me out. :(
We’re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap.
Currently helping my sister look for her chocolate`s I ate 4hrs ago.
Boss: "Are you texting?" Me: "No, I`m Tweeting." Boss: "What`s the difference?" Me: "Texting would imply that I have friends."
If you think this week was a drag, wait till you see what happens next week!
Every store should have one line for people who have their sh!t together.