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Who needs dance lessons when you`ve got alcohol?!
There would be fewer problems with children if they had to chop wood to keep the television set going.
We still don`t know sh*t about that airplane. - NEWS
I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. “Alright, get in the basket”
People who say 45 minutes past the hour must be the same ones who have kids 89 and 63 month olds
You look in good shape!!! Round is a shape isn`t it???
In terms of procrastination, I`ve had a very productive day.
If animals spoke our language we`d be in their debt because they`d have some seriously incriminating dirt on all of us.
I love when people dig their own grave. It saves me so much time.
Seems like you must have been pretty stupid to get caught for murder in the 1800s
I don`t have a police record ... but I think I do have a Sting cd around here somewhere.
Don`t you just love it when you see someone who is photogenic, looks perfect in every picture but then when you see them in person you`re like EURGH God Damn! What happened to you in the last 24h!
Saying "cool" also means, I don`t give a sh!t.
You´re never too old to learn something stupid.
When I`m bored, I like to superglue Doritos to my cat and make it run around the house like a stegosaurus.