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How do you play religious roulette? You stand around in a circle with your friends and blaspheme, and see who gets struck by lightning first.
People liking my status from a week ago on Facebook proves that I have stalkers.
My wife can find a stain on my shirt from across the room but can`t see the mailbox when she`s backing up?
If you were home alone in the middle of the night, and you heard a fart, would you laugh or be scared.
Doctor said only clear liquids before surgery. Vodka qualifies right?
If looks could kill, mirrors would be the leading cause of death among ugly people
Stand for what you believe in. Or sit on the couch and have a couple of donuts. It`s a free country really.
I`m sending a whole bunch of emails to random Nigerians letting them know they`ve won the Canadian lottery.
If you need some help at Home Depot and are being ignored, get on one of their step ladders.
Life…it’s just an “F” in lie.
Sidenote #2: Always have your middle finger ready on standby.
Do the people inside mascot costumes also smile when they have their photos taken?
What`s the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don`t know and I don`t care.
My mother is my travel agent for guilt trips.
I can`t take this long distance relationship anymore.. Fridge, you`re coming to my room.