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Why are people sad when potatoes can be cooked in like 200 ways?
My password is SupermanHulkThorGoku, that`s the strongest password I can think of.
I bought some shoes of a drug dealer, I don`t know what he laced them with but I`ve been tripping all day.
I wish I would of asked if she believed in sex after marriage
Don`t you love followers that don`t acknowledge your existence. Its so cute. Its like I have tiny marriages all over the world.
I want someone to look at me the way I look at chocolate cake.
Be wary of someone who calls all their exes crazy. They`re probably the reason.
Sometimes I just wish people were as easy to forget as PIN numbers.
My theory: Every squirrel you see is currently on a dare from another squirrel
Some people never go crazy...... What truly horrible lives they must live
When you`re a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them.
I`m so good, I scream my own name out during sex.
My status would be a lot funnier if you could see my back-up dancers.
Your trophy wife is more of a participation trophy wife, isn`t she?
I`m not giving the kids a time out. I`m giving myself one. The thought of sitting in a corner & being ignored sounds just heavenly.