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Sometimes I wish I could appear offline in real life too
I wonder if Alex Trebek’s tombstone will say ‘Who was the host of Jeopardy?’
"You drive me to drink!!!" ~Me shouting to the taxi driver.
Michael Schumacher`s former crew just visited him in the hospital. They changed the wheels on his bed and his drip in 4.4 secs.
Sometimes I feel like a loser for spending so much time on Facebook. Then I remember there are people out there who comment on pornhub videos
My mom just sent me a friend request on Facebook! Finally I can use that "I`m not your friend I`m your mother" speech to my advantage.
Tell a girl she pretty she`ll believe it for a minute. Tell a girl she has Miley Cyrus` butt she`ll believe it for a lifetime
The only thing I ever win playing McDonald’s Monopoly is 10 pounds.
I have no idea how I use to get around in the dark before I had a cell phone.
Can I tell you how terribly grateful I am that no one had cell phones, iPads or digital cameras when I had to squaredance in P.E.
I thought there was a spider on the rug, but it was just some yarn. It’s dead yarn now, though.
I believe in equality. If we have a 5 day week of work, we should have 5 day weekends as well dammit.
Let’s have a moment of silence for all these guys that tried to walk across power lines but fell because someone tied their shoes together.
Money isn´t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children.
You had me at Rice Krispies Treats