Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
3 shots of vodka can erase 8 hours of rage in 15 minutes. That’s all the math you really need to know.
I hide from people too, so I get it bigfoot, I get it.
You`re from my dreams... Or nightmares. I can`t decide which.
The unplanned moments tend to be the best ones.
Karma’s only a bitch if you are.
Billion Dollar Idea: An app that deletes your phone number from other people`s phones.
Pro tip for picking up girls - keep your back straight and lift with your knees.
I wish I was a jedi, but mostly just so I didn`t have to bend over to pick up dog poop.
With all the botched executions lately, it has been suggested that we bring back the guillotine. But if we do that I`m sure heads will roll.
Haters can hate all they want... they don`t affect my money.
Asking me if I’m hungry, is like asking me if I like money.
My neighbors listen to AC/DC at 6:00 every morning. Whether they like it or not...
We all have that one friend who needs to learn how to whisper
What sucks about those little hotel shampoo bottles is there`s no room for the directions so you kind of have to wing it.
You know you had an awesome night when you need sunglasses to get food out the fridge.