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My resume is really just a list of all the things I never want to do again.
When I was a kid they didn`t call it "Behavioral Disorders", They called it "Being a little brat".
I love tan lines... it`s like God came down and high-lighted all the good parts... ;-)
Salad tastes pretty good once you add some pizza and get rid of the salad.
Reality is for those who can`t handle alcohol
This girl next to me in class has a piece of tape over her laptop webcam. This can only mean she’s made some serious mistakes in her past…
Bless me Father for I hit send.
Cut out the middleman and just list 911 as your emergency contact.
Tampon commercials create an unrealistic expectation of how much fun it is to be around menstruating women.
I am who I am, your approval is not needed.
Thumbnail pics. Helping ugly people look hot until you click on them since 1995.
I believe in love at first sight or as science calls it, "boners."
You can tell a lot about a person by putting a hidden camera in their bedroom.
Once my ex knocked on my door & then shouted that it was her, so I texted “im not home” then seconds later I texted “if u happen to be here”
I’d steal a doughnut truck and attempt to outrun the cops, just to let people see a bunch of cops chasing a doughnut truck!