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I cant believe I saw a woman wearing slippers in church today! I almost dropped my beer.
My first mistake was thinking she couldn`t hit a moving target.
Show me in the employee handbook where it says I have to like you. Go on, I`ll wait.
Judge: I`ve decided to give your ex-wife $350/month for child support. Me: That`s very generous. I`ll try and kick in a little myself.
Next time a guy asks for your number, write it down in Roman numerals. If he manages to call you, he`s a keeper.
When one door closes and another one opens, it`s time to pack up and leave because your house is clearly haunted.
I love a woman in uniform. I mean naked.
my phone battery lasts longer than relationships this days !
They`re teaching kids that abstinence is 100% more effective in preventing pregnancy than birth control, try telling that one to Jesus`s mother!
Serving sarcasm with a smile since 1984.
You`re one of a kind! Thank goodness...
Alcohol is never the answer, unless the question is, "why were you barely conscious on the kitchen floor eating dog food?"
I hate when I`m admiring my good looks from a car`s window reflection and the people inside think I`m staring at them.
Have you ever loved someone so much, you wanted to keep them hidden from the world and all to yourself? Well, apparently its called kidnapping
Stay Calm, take a breath, and reload.