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It’s annoying when Netflix keeps stopping to buffer. Stupid neighbors just won’t upgrade their WiFi.
ASKHOLE: A person who constantly ask for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them
Prostitution must be a hole sale business.
Of course you look good; I don`t have ugly friends.
It`s pretty amazing how many times my daughter likes to say "it`s not fair!" considering she has never had to pay taxes
Oh, you have a brand new boyfriend? Please tell me more about how you think he`s `the one`.
My online dating profile is just a picture of my ex-wife and the words "NOT THIS."
Hot singles in your area are dating each other while you sit alone staring at your phone.
Farted in my wallet, Now I have gas money.
Growing up we were so poor. If I wasn`t a boy I would have had nothing to play with.
"Sarcasm is a body`s natural defense against stupid."
A good way to break up with a girl gently, is to curtsy when you`re meeting her father instead of shaking his hand.
If it doesn’t involve food or sleep, I’m probably not interested.
COLLEGE STUDENTS: if you`re looking for a job, your career center lists thousands of openings you don`t have enough experience for.
I scream. You scream. The police come ... It`s awkward ;)