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What happens in Vegas never happens to me.
Dad: Son its a fact that masturbation can lead to blindness. Me: Dad... Im over here ..
A woman at my gym has a jellyfish tattoo on her arm ... So I peed on her
For once I`d like to see "It`s been a crappy year, mainly cause your were part of it"
Tony Romo tried to throw his helmet down in frustration but it was intercepted and returned for a touchdown
Thanks to Facebook, rock bottom now has a waiting list.
When I was your age, we drank water straight out of the sink.
"But why?" - Me at weddings
It’s what’s on the inside that counts, unless you’re talking about one of those hollow chocolate bunnies.
Sitting out in my front yard pointing a hair dryer at speeding cars to see if any slow down.
Ironman and Batman`s only super powers is being super rich and smart really makes Bill Gates a real disappointment.
Kids today will never know the frustration of having to rewind their dads porn tapes to the exact same spot...
I have the means to do anything that I want on my day off from work which means that I dont want to do anything on my day off from work.
They should`ve added "Might lose a lot of sleep" in Facebook`s terms & conditions before signing up.
have you ever looked at someone and thought, "yeah you definitely have someone locked away in your basement."