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Is there a way to politely throw breathe mints in someone`s mouth while they`re talking?
Why do medications always have side effects like `anal leakage` & `suicidal thoughts`? Why not `invisibility` or `spontaneous orgasms`?
A good example of mixed emotions would be finding a hundred dollar bill nailed to your tire.
Sarcasm and orgasm. Two things most people don`t get. Those who do are smiling right now.
I don`t know what is longer. A microwave minute or a treadmill minute.
One does not simply log out of their friend`s facebook account without making them gay.
You`re exceeding the limits of my medication. Please go away.
Can you imagine how sexy I`d be if I ate right and took care of my body... I`m not going to, but can you imagine
The only complaint I have about being married is being married.
LIKE if you hide your favorite food from your family
Nothing says "under the thumb" like a joint Facebook account
I am not real pumped up about the Super Bowl this year!
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you’re ignorant and make bad decisions.
You`re always ahead of schedule when it comes to disappointing me.
Bill Gates: A billi a billi a billi JayZ: Half billi half billi half billi Lil Wayne: A milli a milli a milli Me: A dollar a dollar a dollar