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that awkward moment when you`re scuba diving and you see Adele rolling in the deep.
I just ran 3.5 miles in 30 minutes! Ha! Just kidding, I ate some ice cream.
"That`s crazy" is the perfect response when you haven`t been listening.
For those who do not know what ADHD can do to a person, let me expla.....oooh look i got a text message.
I handle stress the way cats bathe in water.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.
Humans are so stupid! This is why aliens probe us. They think our brains are up our butts.
I followed my heart...Now I`m at the liquor store.
When I think of a SELFIE, I`m not sure it`s the same thing you`re thinking of...
Worried that you may have a stalker? Shut up and just be happy someone likes you.
I know some of you would find it hard to believe, but I don`t say everything that pops into my head. I don`t think the average person could handle it.
You know you are in trouble when your mom screams your whole name.
I don’t want to rule the world… Just everything within a hundred square mile radius.
Trivia - It turns out that Alexander the Great was not all that great. But in those days, nobody had the guts to call him Alexander the SO-SO
Here`s a crazy trick to avoid looking fat in pictures: Lose weight.