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I put the o in illiterate!
lol <- looks like a stick man drowning. lol
Big shoutout to whoever decided the ? and ! should be next to each other on an iPhone. That typo hasn’t made me look insane 10,000 times.
Only thing harder than quitting cold turkey is quitting warm ham. It`s delicious.
Who knew adulthood would involve so much Advil?
Holidays, hotels and women. Three things that always look better online than in real life.
The best curve on a woman is her smile :) ...Hahahaha lmao! No I`m kidding, it`s her boobs.
heyy lol
They say laughter is the best medicine... found out that`s not true for treating diarrhea.
Sorry if my phone keeps calling you, it`s voice activated. I`m at the mall and everytime santa says Ho, Ho, Ho, it dials your number
Whenever I drive past the psychic’s empty parking lot, I think, if I was psychic I would only be open on the days I knew people were coming.
Bad news, guys. Throwing a cat through a wall doesn`t make a funny, cat-shaped hole. jk
Join us in calling for a total ban of people. They are extremely dangerous. If you know any people, report them at once to the authorities.
Before Walmart you had to buy a ticket to the fair to see a bearded lady!
Moral compass? Is there an app for that?