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My earthquake kit is just a tuxedo because in case of a disaster, I want to look like the most important person to save.
I support recycling, I wore this shirt yesterday.
I`m starting to think all that stuff about Y2K is not going to happen !
Digging through a box in the closet, I found a picture of me sitting on Santa`s lap. Hard to believe that was almost a year ago.
Which emoticon indicates the desire to cover someone with fire ants?
They should paint the bottom of swimming pools with satellite photos so it feels like you’re flying.
My favorite drink is the fullest one on the table.
Netflix is a lot like facebook in the way I just waste time scrolling and scoffing at things.
I knew I was going to jail when I yanked at the cop pants and they didn`t tear away ..
I need to find a job where I am paid solely on how awesome I am.
Why don`t they make Neapolitan ice cream but with 3 better flavors?
I`ve finally decided to do something about my weight. Lie.
I have nothing!
I have a confession to make... "I want to get back with my ex"...LOL Just Kidding..."I`d rather shit in my hands and clap !"
If you`re ever sad, just imagine how much worse it would be to be a tree that spent years and years growing up, only to end up as a Justin Bieber notebook