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Never look back. That’s where all the monsters are.
I only say “bless you” twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume you cant be blessed and you’re a demon who must be destroyed.
I have to wonder why we have "non-essential" government employees in the first place.
If a woman shaves her legs for you, at least every other day, in the Winter time, it`s Love.
Nothing is quite so annoying as to have someone go right on talking when you`re interrupting!
On the Internet you can be anything you want ... It`s strange that so many people choose to be stupid.
20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please dont let Kevin Bacon die!
All you single ladies, please stop saying you should just give up and get a cat. If no man wants you, don`t subject an innocent cat to a life with you.
I honestly have a fear that one day I`ll leave my house and not be wearing any pants!
My baby girl is so polite. I told her she needed to share and she said "No, thank you"
The best nicknames are the ones people don’t know they have
My mom likes playing this game called `yell from four rooms away and get upset when I can`t hear her`.
This woman just stared at the beer in my cup holder, like she`s never seen a cup holder on a grocery cart before.
A model citizen is just like a regular citizen that doesn`t eat.
Just another day of not being rich and famous.