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It`s getting warm out. I can finally get back to smacking people and blaming it on mosquitos!
that moment when somebody calls your house phone and ask where you are
You should have been a chicken and just went home.
Don`t believe everything you think.
I’m exhausted just thinking of everything I have to do.
I do not gossip ... I pass things along ... It`s like a public service.
I have NEVER faked a sarcasm in my life ;)
That awkward moment when you’re laughing so hard, you accidentally hit your head on something..
When the girl working the counter says "would you like fries with that?" say.."are you calling me fat??" then burst into tears. Free meal.
Lately I`ve been convinced that some people were born solely for purpose of eventually pissing me off...
What idiot decided it should be my foot`s asleep instead of coma toes?
Male camel toe? Dude that`s just nuts.
It’s amazing what I’m able to get done when I need to do something else.
I`ll never join one of those dating sites. I prefer to meet someone the old fashioned way. By alcohol & bad decisions.
For your final meal request to eat the electric chair and then the warden will be like well now what do we do he ate our electric chair