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To me, the worst part of the prostate exam is when the doctor says, "Guess how many fingers."
Change of plans everyone: NOBODY Wang Chung tonight.
I’ve come to the realization that the trash goes out more than I do.
Can anyone recommend a good movie to kinda listen to while I stare at my phone?
Sometimes I pretend to be normal. But it gets boring ... so I go back to being me. ;)
I´ll never be old enough to know better.
When I procrastinate, current me really expects a lot out of future me.
What do crickets hear when they have an awkward silence?
Four words that I never want to hear: There is no food.
Behind every successful status update, there is a Ctrl C & Ctrl V
I read that taking a long, hot bath can help with managing stress. Unfortunately my boss doesn`t approve.
If you put a "Student Driver" sign on top of your car, Nobody will ever suspect you of drunk driving.
If at first you don’t succeed, you shouldn’t diffuse bombs.
status uploading
Why is it called `after dark`, when it is really after light