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Remember when phones were stupid and people were smart?
"No comment" - said no woman, ever
some people just need a hug...around the neck...with a rope!!
When googling something, I always use Caps Lock so that the people from Google know it`s urgent.
“Taking candy from a baby” would actually be a responsible thing to do.
Every shape I had to learn above octagon was just a total fu*king waste of time.
My brain contains a few things I should know and the rest is just song lyrics.
Some days should come with a warning label: This day is going to suck, bring alcohol.
Sometimes my brain is like the bermuda triangle...Information goes in then it`s never found again..
I just realized that Mr. Rogers had the first man-cave.
Don`t judge a person for drinking; judge a person for not drinking. Those f*ckers are up to something.
Why would a married man buy a hearing aid?
I just wish the automatic paper towel dispensers were half as sensitive as the automatic flushers.
Its Friday ... my body is in for a much-needed drinking session
Does this floor I’m laying on make me look unmotivated?