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A wise man, will often say nothing
All bad decisions are ultimately made using the same piece of resounding logic: “Screw it.”
Alcohol. Because who really wants to remember last night?
"He sure seems like a nice young man" is Grandma-speak for "I`d totally hit that."
The wrong time to have a seizure is probably during a Harlem Shake Video.
My Boss requested me on facebook. I was like "pssst". If only he knew all the sh*t I post about his ugly @$$.
I wonder how many 5 Hour Energy`s it would take to levitate?
On the 12th day of Christmas my FB gave to me- 12 dudes I`m blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny topics, 9 busted Barbies, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites, fiiiivvvvee drama queeeennss, 4 game requests, 3 photo tags, 2 friends a-pokin and a creep who wont stop Inboxing meee... ;)
My grandparents still use encyclopedias to google stuff.
When I was a kid, I wanted to be a Pilot...but apparently I was too young.
Facebook keeps telling me people are following me. But, every time I look behide me there`s nobody there? Why does facebook keep lying to me?
The only thing Facebook has ever done for me is make me realize a lot of my friends are idiots.
I have many talents... For example: Sleeping.
I am better off now than I was 4 beers ago...
Be nice to your kids. They get to choose your nursing home.