Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
How come know-it-alls, don`t know how annoying they are?
The guy that discovered milk...What was he doing to that cow?
I`ve just borrowed a book on surgery from my local library. Apparently someone`s taken the appendix out.
Look UPS guy, you can`t just show up at someone`s house unannounced and expect them to have pants on.
Are you bored? Head over to Walmart, go into a fitting room, shut the door, wait awhile, and then yell very loudly, `Hey! There`s no toilet paper in here.`
I advise you...don`t mess with me, I know karate, kung fu,judo, tae kwon do, jujitsu, and 28 other dangerous words.
Checked a lot off my thought-about-doing-today list.
I watched my first silent movie the other day. The kids weren`t there.
The best stories ever told always end with the words”…and then I got the hell out of there.”
I’m not so much goofing off as impersonating upper management.
Brains are awesome! I wish everyone had one...
Taking your pants off is a good way to let someone know you feel comfortable in their home.
If I would have known there would be a Facebook, I would have written “eff off forever” instead of “keep in touch” in your yearbook.
If you were born after 1990, you will never know the frustration of having to rewind your parents porn tapes to the exact same spot...
I`m great at making pancakes and women uncomfortable.