Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"Stay out of the heat & stay hydrated." Thank you news-anchor. It`s my first summer.
If I lean to the left. I am not trying to whisper in your ear. I`m married. I`m gonna fart.
Today is National I Don`t Feel Like Doing Sh!t Day. Celebrate accordingly.
I answered the door in my underwear. That WAS the tip, pizza guy!
I have enough leftover Halloween candy to get me to leftover Valentine`s Day candy time.
Remember this when you are drunk: You can`t fall off the floor.
My favorite beer is an open one.
The most amazing thing about the internet is how it allows you, with the click of a few buttons, to do absolutely nothing with your life
According to my nipples, there is a 99% chance it`s cold as hell right now!
I would be a great procrastinator ... if I could ever get around to it.
The best way to change a woman`s mind is to agree with her.
GAL: Would you keep me in your heart forever? BOY: Nop! GAL: (sadly)...why? BOY: Because then you`ll occupy only one part of me...but i`ll keep you in my heart, mind & let you complete me.
The grass is always greener where the bodies are buried.
Hi you`ve reached my voicemail,,, Please leave your name, number and a damn good reason why this conversation couldn`t be done over text
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.