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Is that a selfie or did you just photobomb a picture of your filthy bathroom?
Here`s how I gained 27lbs of muscle in 5 weeks: Lying.
If I drunk text you and you`re sleeping, don`t text me in the morning. That ship has sailed.
All I`m saying is you don`t see many neck tattoos on Jeopardy.
No one looks more depressed than a grown man walking away from the microwave with a Lean Cuisine meal in his hands.
Ever talk to someone so stupid you can hear them misspelling words?
I haven`t crunched all the numbers, but early calculations show that a large percentage of people don`t care what you think.
It`s Sunday or as I like to call it, "No pants day".
I knew we were gonna be friends when you ran into that wall.
The object of golf is to play the least amount of golf.
I don`t run away from my problems. That`s immature. I ignore them.
Today has been cancelled, due to lack of interest.
is sick and tired and tired of being sick and sick of being tired!
To all the girls who think all guys are the same: Who told you to try them all? Whore.
I licked some of the frosting, but then I just ate the whole cake. No evidence. Problem solved.