Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
At least mosquitos are attracted to me.
You can never read a doctor`s prescription, but you can sure read his bill
All my childhood invisible friends are probably doctors and lawyers now.
Back in my day, we had to remember phone numbers and give people directions and don`t get me started on the dinosaurs.
Any hedge can be a maze if you are drunk enough.
If you lick the frosting off a cupcake it becomes a muffin, muffins are healthy :) your welcome.
Zombies and I have a lot in common; we both walk around aimlessly looking for something to eat.
If karma doesn`t hit you, I gladly will.
Putting a light in the refrigerator is God`s way of telling us that it`s okay to eat before going to bed.
I don`t have a drinking problem, you have a problem with my drinking. Big difference.
"Has anybody ever seen a chicken fly? No? Good, there`s nothing wrong with ya"
I was trying to think of something really deep to post on Facebook this morning. The Mariana Trench comes to mind.
Hi I’m an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.
Scariest Moment: Flushing the toilet at someone else’s house, and seeing the water rise…
Oh... the look on the Home Depot associate`s face when I asked him if the pruning shears will cut through bone... priceless.