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So they say that having to much sex can cause memory loss, which is just a little something I seem to remember reading in a Rolling Stone magazine once on page 64 paragraphs 3 through 5 while sitting on a park bench October 14th 2002 at 3:46 p.m
If I ran the country, things would be a lot better. Well…for me anyway.
All the noises I used to make during sex, I now make getting up in my truck.
Do you ever think about sh!t you did in the past and just go why the f*ck did nobody punch me in the face?
Hypothetically, when is the right time to tell your divorce attorney that you`ve never been married and you love spending time with him?
The best part about living in a small town is when I don`t know what I`m doing, someone else does.
Whenever someone says, "Have a good one." I always respond with, "I have a good one, I just wish it were longer."
Nothing is more discouraging that unappreciated sarcasm.
So far, I am 100% at believing what happened next on Facebook links.
In Starbucks a customer went sh*t house rat crazy when they got a double shot of espresso instead of the triple shot they ordered ... I`m fine now.
I hate when homesless people shake their cup of coins at me. It`s like yeah I know you have more money than me, no need to rub it in.
Things that don`t kill spiders: 1: furniture polish 2: Febreze 3: butter 4: screaming
I think there should be a mandatory test at 16 that you have to pass and if not, you get neutered or spayed.
Growing up teachers always told me there was no such thing as a stupid question. Eight years in retail has determined that was a lie.
My scars tell a story. A story about a guy who`s really f*cking clumsy.