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At first, I had my doubts about using autocorrect. But my new phone probed me wrong. PROVED DAMNIT! PROVED!
Why don’t television shows say, “You will be delighted to know that this program contains strong sexual content?”
something about today makes me want to be hungover tomorrow
Worries about the economy grow again after the world`s biggest yacht-selling company announce a drop in sails
Hypothetically, when is the right time to tell your divorce attorney that you`ve never been married and you love spending time with him?
I`m surprised more killers haven`t lured their victims into their houses by blind folding them and promises of being on a febreze commercial
I don`t get enough credit for not going on killing sprees.
I’m glad we can’t smell each other through the internet.
The bouncer at the club calls me Kevin McAllister because I`m always going home alone
You`d think he`d be better at this with all the porn he watches
My boyfriend asked me why I bother watching cooking shows when I cant cook so I asked why he bothered watching porn.
I want to put a bib on a baby that says "This dumbass put my cape on backwards." lol
Everyone’s an optimist when it comes to their car’s fuel gauge.
I`m thinking one of us should probably break the news to the phone book makers that there`s this thing called Google now
I really like what you`ve done with your crazy.