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I`ll drink enough for both of us, because I`m just a caring person.
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
It may look like I`m doing nothing, but I`m actively waiting for my problems to go away.
Just because leggings stretch dont mean yo 465 pound a$$ should be in them!
The only way I`m coming to your wedding is if you get Me a gift. You just found lifelong love, I think I deserve a blender more than you do.
If its the thought that counts, then I`ve banged so many hot chicks.
I`m losing my mind, but as long as I keep the part that tells me when I gotta pee, I should be OK
Unless you tripped and smacked your face on the treadmill, no one wants to hear about your workout.
I just went into an AOL chat room to ask someone how to start a fire with sticks.
Have you tried complaining about it for hours?
I’m pretty sure the whole “ladies first” thing was created by a guy that just wanted to check out a girl’s butt.
I was thinking about jumping on the Patriot`s Fan bandwagon, but I am afraid that the tires would be deflated...
I sneak alcohol into work because I`m a problem solver.
There is a 99.9% chance I am hungry.
I was at the hospital earlier today and saw a cute girl with a cast on her leg. Naturally, my first thought was "Hey, this one can`t run away..."