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I’m having fruit salad for dinner. Well, it’s mostly grapes actually. Okay, all grapes. Fermented grapes. Ok, I’m having wine for dinner.
Women need a tattoo that somehow signals their menstrual cycle ... * A Cramp Stamp
I hit a new low today and used a cheat code on Wii Fit
my wish for tonight is for the person reading this status to have a Good Night!
Trying to learn Mandarin Chinese but the amount of money I`m spending on fortune cookies is getting ridiculous.
hmm ... I wonder what I´m thinking?
I never make plans until I know how I am getting out of them.
I hate when my friends stand so close to me when pictures are being taken. It`s like they don`t know I plan on cropping them out later.
If money cant buy happiness,explain beer!
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man
Is it just me that finds it disturbing that you can accidentally make a baby but you can`t accidentally make a pizza?
Unless your name is “Google”, stop acting as if you know everything!
After I drink coffee I show my empty mug to the IT guy and tell him I`ve successfully installed Java. He hates me.
Ran into a former supervisor from my last job today, kept driving.
I liked Hoarders much better when it was called Sanford & Son.