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the dude who posted ”MERRY CHRISTMAS“ has still got his head shoved up the turkeys A$$ it seems...
My dentist told me I need a crown. I was like I KNOW, RIGHT?
Why isn`t a menu board at a coffee house called JavaScript?
I don`t want to be bothered with stupid $h!t today. What is stupid $h!t? Anything I don`t want to be bothered with.
WHAT DO WE WANT!!! A cure for hangovers WHEN DO WE WANT IT!!! Please stop yelling
My dad`s TV volume is always set at "f*ck the neighbors".
It’s only a matter of time until “Security Cameras of Wal-Mart” is a reality TV show.
My boyfriend is being so nice to me since I showed him how easy it was to remove blood from carpeting...
I bought a pair of Meatloaf underwear today. On the front they say `I would do anything for love`. On the back, `But I wont do that!`
Why is it always "I see you drank all the beer today!" instead of, "Oh, honey, that was so sweet of you to help clean out the refrigerator."
I laugh in the face of normal.
I was hooked on auctions after only going once... going twice
I’m back on my feet again!! Wait, false alarm the remote is right here.
My new diet is not buying things at the store that make the cashier say wow someone`s having a party
If a turtle doesnt have a shell, is it naked or homeless ?