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I`m surprised carving faces into vegetables after pulling out their innards isn`t incorporated into more American Holidays.
So, I bought a wok to cook healthy food and I have to say, these french fries don`t taste any different.
I put on my pants like everyone else. Right after the security guard in Target says "Sir, we`re going to have to ask you to leave."
I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
I`ve got good news and bad news. The good news is this status is almost over. The bad news is you read the whole thing.
The only correct answer to "Are you ticklish?" is "I will kill you."
Don`t be sad laundry, nobody`s doing me either.
I just awesomed all over the place.
No PornHub, I would NOT like to share this video with my friends and family on Facebook.
Don’t look unless you’re prepared to see.
I try not to laugh at my own jokes… but we all know I’m Hilarious.
Somethings are best unsaid but my brain to mouth filter has never worked right.
When you turn 21, you can legally do all the things you`ve been doing since you were 15.
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Wal-Mart or at Taco Bell.
In my defense Your Honor, I thought she had been stung by a jellyfish.