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I’m pretty busy today, so if you could just go ahead and offend yourself for me that would be great. Thanks!
*breaking news music plays* Last thought of the night: Why is now everyone talkin` bout "twerkin`"? Man, that shyt been `round since the days of Hammer pants and spandex shorts!!!!
Let`s be honest, we all have someone on Facebook we wanna bang...with a pan.
I dare you to spit on this status.
As your best friend, I swear to always pretend to be your lesbian lover when you are getting hit on by an ulgy ass hole in a bar.
Learned today that it`s about 12 min after realizing there`s no TP in the stall that you ask yourself how important your socks really are.
Shout out to sidewalks. Thanks for keeping me off the streets.
tried being normal. Didn`t like the feeling, so I`m going back to being ME.
I`d like to read an obituary that says "He laid down the boogie and played that funky music till he died."
2011: Come at me bro! 1800`s: Advance towards me brethren!
Home alone… Time to teach the neighbors what good music sounds like!
I think my TV remote has developed some sort of Romulan cloaking technology.
If you think buying condoms is awkward, you should try returning them.
You seem awesome. I can`t wait to find out what I hate about you.
Why do we call it the Sun instead of a space heater?