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I`m trying to live healthier......but I`m considering taking up cigars, since they`re still the coolest way to light dynamite fuses.
The Hobbit 2: we`ve still got a long way to walk
facebook cuz am too old to have imaginery friends
Someone once said that I should always treat other people how I would like to be treated. Now I`m facing sexual harassment charges.
So what if Jesus turned water into wine... I turned a whole student loan into beer once. your move Jesus.
"How about if I put a balloon over it? Would you touch it then?" -guy who invented condoms
It doesn’t matter what it is. It is automatically cool if it glows in the dark.
Did I ever tell you about my old girlfriend? The one with the "Lazy Eye"? I had to break up with her, she was seeing somebody on the side..........................
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she`s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
You might be a REDNECK if you think S.T.O.P. means spin tires on pavement!! :)) lol
If your single and you know it…Pet your cat!
I`d fight a bear for you. Well, not a grizzly or a brown bear. But maybe like a care bear. I`d fight one of those sonsabitches for you.
Why don`t the post office get the Jehovah`s Witnesses to deliver the mail on Saturday? Work smarter not harder people.
My 6 year old found the duct tape and now nothing in my house moves.
I want to get a welcome mat for my front door that just says "Text Me"