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"Everyone give us money in case something happens and when something happens we`ll call you a liar." -insurance
Parents, forget about teaching your kids about the birds and the bees. Teach your kids the difference between their, they`re and there.
Its that time of year to find out what your friends with pools have been up to since last year.
When we give each other a thumbs up, it`s our way of mocking every other animal on earth.
Dear facebook, please quit asking me what`s on my mind. Eventually I`m going to get in trouble if I keep telling you.
I`m in big trouble if my coworkers find out I don`t really have Tourette`s.
Rock bottom is when you get dinner at the same place you buy your gas.
never tell a lie...unless it is true
People are like dogs: There`s always someone who loves you for you and there`s someone who just peed in an inappropriate place.
I`m so broke right now if anybody robbed me they`d just be practicing
While wearing a bikini you show 90% of your body -But men are so polite, that they stare only at the covered places.
I have discovered that theirs no popcorn in popcorn chicken. I guess there`s no point in bothering with hash browns then.
Jake from State Farm works some very crappy hours.
Car alarms should sound like two chicks in a fight. I`d look out the window for that.
I wish "You idiot" was an appropriate way to end a work email.