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The ‘poke’ button on Facebook should be replaced with a ‘slap’ button.
Before you decide to spend less time on social media... make sure you go to every social media website and tell everyone.
I feel like there’s something missing in my life and I don’t know if it’s a person, a dog, or just a pizza.
Money can`t buy happiness, but I`d rather cry in a Ferrari.
You know you`re single when the only calls you get at night are Nature`s.
I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. “Alright, get in the basket”
I ate too much salad over the weekend so I`m going on an Oreo cleanse today.
Don`t ask me stupid questions and I won`t hurt your stupid feelings.
You guys, how can true love still exist if we don`t have mixed tapes anymore?
A house is not a home until you can find all light switches in the dark.
It`s hard to feel sorry for people when they get what they deserve.
iPhone 6: For people who don`t mind holding an iPad up to their ear.
If you`re feeling too good about yourself, go ask a 5 yr old to guess your age. That should even things out.
It`s never your successful friends posting inspirational quotes on Facebook.
My boss was all, "Do you know why I called you to the office, " and I was like, "I dunno is there a hidden security camera in the bathroom."