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Apparently nothing offends a toddler more than suggesting they might be due for a nap.
It only takes a second to show someone how you really feel about them... the cops call it indecent exposure, but whatever
I really shouldn`t have driven home from the bar last night. ..Especially since I walked there. :)
I learned most of what I know about dropping pianos on people from cartoons.
I accidentally wore green today. And I probably will be drunk later but NOT because it`s St. Patrick`s Day, because it`s Monday.
Do you ever just look at a girl and instantly know she posts her daily horoscope on Facebook and quotes Marilyn Monroe?
TV needs to stop putting up those stupid “viewer discretion” warnings. My mom is sick of me calling her for clearance.
Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me, it means a lot.
My girlfriend asked me to send some dirty pics. So I sent her a picture of my sink full of dishes. :)
There are days when everything goes perfectly. . I wonder what those are like?
I`ll never forget the first time I saw a dry erase board, "Wow" I thought, "that`s remarkable"
Porn is the one industry where segregating races, genders, sexual preference, is completely acceptable
Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.
I hate when someone texts me cause then I can`t post anything on the internet or they`ll know I`m ignoring them.
A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.