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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I don`t play sports, the only sport I play is shopping. But there`s a lot of walking involved in that. Running sometimes if there`s a sale.
I`m not sure if life is passing me by or trying to run me over.
You know you`re single when the only calls you get at night are Nature`s.
Its that time of year to find out what your friends with pools have been up to since last year.
My secret ingredient is letting somebody else cook.
Comcast is doing home security now so if your house is being robbed they will get the police there on Tuesday between the hours of 8 & 12.
If you lick the frosting off a cupcake it becomes a muffin, muffins are healthy :) your welcome.
My worst ideas have all either started or ended with having no pants on.
Just think of how different the world would be if Noah had eaten those two chickens.
Go buy a burrito, leave it in your fridge, get drunk, come home and be your own best secret admirer.
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I painted a banner for our annual family picnic, but my Mom thought "Celebrating 100 Years of Undiagnosed Mental Illness" was inappropriate.
The first 5 days after the weekend are always the hardest....
I like to Party! ... and by Party I mean take Naps
I don`t get in trouble, I just get into questionable situations.