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Remember years ago when we didn`t have facebook and we had to take pictures of our food and get the film developed at the chemist get all your friends round your house and show them what you have been eating ...the good old days
I don`t always say `oops`, but when I do, it`s usually ten minutes after I have a brilliant idea.
Definitely never want to own a small fruit stand in an action movie.
It’s hard to trust humans; even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.
The woman that just drove past me was either doing a huge yawn or her brakes have failed....
I`m tired of things costing money
Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I´m typing this with my middle finger.
When my kid grows up they`re not aloud to date until they`re married.
I just got an email telling me how I can have fuller, firmer breasts. I can`t wait to show them to my wife!!
Good neighbors do not put password on their wi-fi.
DOCTORS WRITING: "?? ?? ??." HOW I SEE IT: "?????." HOW THE PHARMACIST SEES IT: "Aspirin."
Is it ok to ask a very pregnant librarian if she`s overdue?
I made the mistake of asking Siri what women want....she has been talking non-stop for the last 3 days.
When someone tells you they`re playing a STD game... But you later realise they were talking about Spot The Difference.
The important thing to remember is that nobody asked you.