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It`s amazing how much people are willing to lower their eating standards when you insert the word "free" in front of the word "food".
I think sex is probably the best stress reliever, but I haven’t beaten anyone with a baseball bat before, so I can’t be 100% sure.
In terms of procrastination, I had a very productive day.
I’m right 97% of the time…who cares about the other 4%.
Facebook is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves.
Why is it called "reading a book" and not paper view?
Anyone want to come over and watch porn on my new flat screen mirrior?
Life Rule #17: Always hold out your hand when someone is counting money in front of you, ...just incase.
If you think nobody cares if you´re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
How come phones only get lost when they are on silent?
Imagine taking your girlfriend to your friends house for the 1st time, and her phone automatically connects to his password protected wifi.
Did you know you have the right to remain silent even when you`re not being arrested?
Take Note: a stress ball can be used for throwing at people who stress you out.. You`re Welcome..
People who argue on their cell phones in public should have to do it on speakerphone so the rest of us can get both sides.
How can they have a Facebook group called Facebookers Anonymous? That`s like trying to hold a successful AA meeting in a bar.