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Driving would be much more entertaining if there were no yellow lights.
I feel like being that guy that gets upset when people use the term "straight A`s". "Fabulously flawless A`s" sounds much better.
Sleep feels the way pizza tastes.
Why can`t my coworkers just play on the Internet like normal people instead of trying to engage me in conversation.
Sometimes it`s fun to make fun of yourself. Almost as fun as it is to make fun of others.
Sleep is for the people without access to Internet.
I wish Monday was a figment of my imagination.
I get as much action as a white crayon.
Daylight Savings makes us lose an hour... It’s kind of like Facebook.
Sign said “WET PAINT” So I emptied my water bottle on it. I’m currently waiting on further instructions.
Women want a lot of things from one man. Conversely, men want one thing from a lot of women.
Remember, children. The best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a baby brother.
If history repeats itself then I am SO getting a dinosaur.
I thought "twerking" was short for "networking". I really embarrassed myself while giving that presentation to the company`s Board of Directors.
Friends who buy you food are friends for life.