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When I see people jogging outside I like to drive slowly down the road behind them blasting “Eye of the Tiger” just to give them motivation.
Love is when the guy who stocks the liquor knows your name.
I`ve got to remember to tie a string around my finger!
This earthquake was the first time that I`ve ever said, "it was 4.7, but felt bigger."
Whoever said technology will replace paper has obviously never tried to wipe their butt with an I-pad
Smile. Your enemies hate it.
Goodnight, good people - and nite nite to the naughty ones too!
The pollen is so bad this year that the trailer park people are changing crystal meth back into Sudafed.
Today`s brilliant idea: Slim Fast beer.
I like when people call me "Sir". I just wish they wouldn`t follow it up with "you`re making a scene."
I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on carpet, but only for like 20 seconds...
Ohio - High in the middle, and round at the ends.
If you enjoy being the 10,000th person to put your thumb into a hole, then bowling is for you.
Found a note on my door today that said ”You’re Awesome!” ... Yes, I wrote it yesturday. But still, the truth is the truth.
I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn.....it`s dead yarn now, though.